Build Bridges Not Walls

Society has underg hotshot a massive change in the last a few(prenominal) decades, with respect to both economic and fond environ ment. And this change has affected people of all age groups, head start from children and adolescents to the young, middle aged and old. The pressures to perform either at school/college level or at jobs be enormously high. Tinged with competition, technological advancement as well as the increasing materialism, and hence with changing norms for social status and respect has mess people into a mad frenzy of desires.With these changing definitions, people at once atomic number 18 unable to define gather ups, wants & desires. What maybe was a luxury in yesterdays contemporaries is a need in todays generation. But what people fail to determine is Desires be patchy, needs ar few. Needs can be fulfilled desires never. A desire is a need Bone crazy. It is impossible to fulfill it. The more you try to fulfill it, the more it goes on asking and askin g So in this mad frenzy of satisfying desires people forget the one of the basic needs for intellectual stability and peacea healthy relationship.Man is a social animal and this is important for his survival and he is neglecting almost all relations-Parents, friends, siblings,children etc, save the most prominent failing relation is betwixt a man and a woman, be it husband & wife or a relationship. As per laws of nature its natural that a man and a woman develop an attraction which sometimes culminates into a relationship and sometimes ends in marriage, but we are seeing increasing number of miserable marriages ,wherein there are irreconcilable differences amid a bring together and they carry on due to some binding factors like children or society.Sometimes these broken marriages end in divorce and sometimes dont. The analogous happens to relationships too and people flit from one relation to another trying to find that deluding peace and happiness. Failure of relationships & marriages-WHY We believe that if we have someone who wants the same things as we do, it would be a happy relationship. We believe in an overtly romantic ideal which sets us up for disappointment.Having chosen each other on the basis of similarity we have no skills to conciliate the differences that inevitably emerge between any two people, andour romantic spirit is crushed as slow as a paper bag. We avoid conflict when we should be training ourselves on its barbs. We have set out to think of compromise as a dirty word. When in fact you get nowhere in real life without it. We look for partners who give us no lines, rather than partners we are good at overcoming problems with. We fail to extrapolate that a man & woman are basically opposite, not only physically but emotionally as well.Their reaction to a situation or an approach to a problem is always different, and it requires a great deal of patience & go outing to bridge this communication gap between a man and a woman. Whe n a relationship culminates into marriage, and a meet stay together, these inevitable differences make for up more, and things, which looked flyspeck or were not noticed in the relationship phase, now come into the school principal and slowly look like major hurdles, which couples find difficult to cope up.Instead of accepting each other, they set about finding flaws and try to make the other per parole think and behave like them. The fadeless frenzy in this age of materialism, adds to this, comparisons in social circles take place, expectations arise giving rise to ego, and the couple slowly start drifting apart mentally and emotionally and an invisible and impregnable wall is build between them. Not to mention many a times that also parents from either side are go offling factors in this.The boys parents are still bound mentally in their times and they are unable to cope up with these changing times, and have expectations as were expected of them during their times , someti mes trivial issues becoming major factors for a break up. I personally know of a issue in my friends family, wherein an argument broke over an issue, of excessive salt being put in Dal. The argument took such major proportions, and so many other underlying issues came up that my friends elder chum salmon and sister in law left the house and took up a house outside and separated.Funny and miserable too. But what needs to be introspected, is what proportions a trivial issue took to. Was it really worth it? An issue of transitory discomfort which could have been just ignored. So also the girls parents in a wish well to be over protective about their daughter bread and butter interfering in her family life and adding fuel to fire. I know of another trivial issue which could have been solved between a couple, but because of the interference of the girls parents, which further fuelled the ego in both sides, and it finally ended in a divorce.So what are the basics to keep a relationsh ip or marriage ticking1) both need to accept that however similar interests they share, they are basically two different individuals, hence differences are bound to crop up sooner or later. Also like some famous cause said Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus.. hence their emotional psyches are different and this needs to be kept in mind.2) Women need to view a man more than lovable him and a Man needs to love a woman more rather than trying to understand her .3) Both need to keep in mind that only both of them can solve their differences and adjust. Family or friends cannot do it for them. At outdo family or friends can be answerful in cooling come out a highly volatile situation.4) They should think that we see right or wrong from our point of view.. when we understand a person and think from that persons shoes we may think otherwise.5) Most of the times, a woman doesnt want a solution rather she wants a sympathetic ear, so men have to listen more and offer less soluti ons. Rather a sympathetic ear and pocket-sized tokens of affection works. Women also need to understand a mans need for his family and friends too. Its common familiarity that men form more die hard friendships then women and women need to understand that, when a man loves his parents or siblings or his friends and spends time with them too, it doesnt close he loves her less.6) However arguments and fights are natural. Both should understand that they are in a way healthy and most of the issues are mundane. Hence they should learn not to carry it to the future. It should be dropped there and then. Please remember that, if we hold on to the past, then we cant move forward.7) If a relationship culminates in marriage, then the woman has to accept that like her parents and siblings are an ingrained part of her, so also are the boys parents and siblings are inseparable parts of him. Since parents conk to a different generation, there will be differences, but the solution doesnt lie in drifting apart. It lies in accepting them as they are and keeping communication clear with your spouse and with his help bridging that gap. There can also be closed room, open discussion between the boy and his spawn to find ways to close this gap.8) So also the boy has to understand that the girls parents mean the same to her and hence he shouldnt unduly restrict her or interfere in regards to her parents. He should also respect her parents as he does his own but take caution that, they dont interfere in their married life.9) Parents also on the other hand, need to be made to understand either through counseling or in open minded discussions to accept either son in law or daughter in law as they are, in order to keep peace in the family.Expectation instead of acceptance leads to problems is something needed to be understood by the couple as well as the parents. Build bridges not walls Finally after taking keeping of these basics, if still there are irreconcilable differences b etween a couple, which are a constant come of tension and is detrimental to mental peace and development, and the couple is finding it difficult to carry on, then its best to end the relationship or marriage amicably, rather than suffering continuously or mud hurl at each other. Remember A momentary pain is better than a life presbyopic suffering.